I am puke
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
