Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
