Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
