People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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