If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
