So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
