he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
