Dual....:-)
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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