i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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