I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I am available for nakedness
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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