Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
