did you get engaged???
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
