I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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