Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
