you guys were way drunker than both of me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
