bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
