I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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