3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
