maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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