It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
