...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
