Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
