Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
