the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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