Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
