you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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