I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
