Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
