Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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