I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I need moral support for this bender
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Im part way to drunk.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
