it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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