You're so nebulous sometimes
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
