Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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