I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
