I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
