I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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