cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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