dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
