I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
