THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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