i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
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