He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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