hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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