I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
