YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
