its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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