Pants 0. Shit 1.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
