I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
