If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
