Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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