He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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