she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The air was thick with penises
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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