my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
