I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
