anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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