I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize