There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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