OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
