I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
