Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
its liver damage thursday
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
