C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
