She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
