I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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