He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
