I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
