WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Green mimosas i think yes
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
